The day that changed me to the person i am today.

Eric was a very kind hearted man that went through so much in his young life. He had/has the greatest family that loves and misses him so much that it has hurt their hearts and souls. He was my boyfriend and best friend. I could tell him anything he was such a forgiving soul. Eric and I had our falling out but somehow we found our way back. We always would play pranks on one another like bang loads in cigarettes play games and pop out to scare one another he was hard to scare but i got him a few times, he loved to play my smurf game on my ipad couldn’t get him to stop sometimes. He was a dare devil and would do stupid things like a cartwheel on a bridge rail that he ended up falling off of and into the small creek my heart stopped I thought he was a goner because he was so close to hitting the concert slab but he was ok. We would drive around in is Cadillac and have a great time listening to music, talk, and making fun of his old man glasses he would always make a face when wearing them and I couldn’t stop laughing every time. I wish I could find the girl that took a picture of us when we went down town and got stuck in a car show both of us were smiling so big. I remember when i was putting makeup on for his niece and he wanted to look silly for her and put the brightest green I had on his eye lid.

Eric was never about his own happiness but others, he cared so much that sometimes he got hurt. He would do anything for the people he loved. The day he passed is a day I’ll never forget. I woke up from a tapping sound I looked up and saw he was in my window; I lived on the 2nd story of an apt. He knocked on my window but for some reason I was in shock and wouldn’t move. Why is he in my window? Its 4 in the morning for a few mins i thought I was just dreaming this couldn't be real how did he get up there and why would he be there? A few mins go by and I looked at my phone and saw I missed a bunch of calls from him. When i finally got up he jumped down not seeing me get up and he went to his car and drove home. I looked for him but couldn’t find him. I wish I got up and pulled him through my window or got in my car and looked for him. I called so many times but he wouldn’t pick up. But he started to text me. He was talking about how life would be better without him i kept telling him he was wrong that he had so many that loved him. I was right many people do miss and love him so much. I texted his mother thinking he was crying wolf again because 4 days before he was talking like he would but i had him come over. This is one of my biggest regrets I texted his mother I should have called but he told me he had his mother’s phone so was testing to see if he did. The last thing i got from him was a goodbye text.. I kept calling and calling his mother had seen my text and was already breaking the door down to get to him. His poor mother had to go through every mother’s worst nightmare. He promised he wouldn’t do this to her. I didn’t know what was going on until the police came and told me what he did. My heart broke i couldn't move it had to be a sick joke dare devil Eric couldn’t die... he had to be ok. I needed to see proof... I saw him and that’s when my world came to an end. I kissed his head and said goodbye.

I was no longer the dumb 20 year old that wanted to party and have fun. I went from having fun and being outgoing to quit and wanting to be left alone. I turned into Eric he would sit in his room and stay away from people. I wasn’t comfortable around people anymore I could care less would people thought of me. I stopped wearing makeup and started to not care how I looked, who am I trying to impress i would tell people when they would comment on my looks. I would go to work than come back to his house and sit upstairs by his room hoping he would just walk in and see me waiting for him to get home. But he never came back.. How could he, He was gone still to this day I still wish it was a sick joke and he is out there still. I blame myself that he is gone. I should have been more alert and caring knowing it was all a lie would make me so happy just to know hes happy out there somewhere.

I wouldn’t do anything for months I would sit in his room with his brother "after we became friends" where it all happened and just sit there together sometimes talking and watching movies that Eric loved. After a while his brother and I became good friends like brother and sister. Our fights could be bad but we would always make up and talk crap to one another doing someone for the other if asked. When before all this happen we hated one another he wanted me dead for a while to I’m still amazes me we have come this far from that. After a year or so I moved in and lived in the basement, being there made me feel close to Eric. I didn’t know what I would do without his mother and his brother, Jason became my best friend I needed him to help me get through the day only they knew how I felt and how sick I was getting. I help as much as I could with the children and when every his mother needed anything I would jump up and do it even if I didn’t want to. I promised Eric if anything happened to him I would watch over his family. I took on the over protective child that he was for his mother.

I missed him and loved him so much that I couldn’t wait to die. I wouldn’t eat I would forget if I had so just wouldn’t for days. Four years later I’m here stronger then I ever was. Life took a twist for me I never thought I would be here. I will always miss and love Eric, but I need to be here for my family. Most days I’m ok I will think about him but wont cry others I feel the pain I did when all this happened reliving everything. Leslie his mother is one of the strongest women I know she is like a mother to me. I love her very much I would have loved to have her as a mother in-law in a way she is. But I can’t think like that what has happened in the past there is no changing.

That’s my story of Eric. If you are feeling hurt and want to take your life talk to someone. Leslie and Jason were and are my go to for help understanding and getting back to the present and looking to the future. But remember you have many people that love you and are here for you let them help. I have watched a family break because of his suicide i wouldn’t want it to happen to anyone else. We have lost 2 more friends to suicide in the past 4 years they were all great people and you would have never thought that they would do it. We all have our bad days but some people have bad days that are nightmares that they can’t escape. Be there for your friends and family if you think something is wrong try to be there for them they might say they are fine but deep down they are crying. Love one another like it’s the last day you have with them.